Journey Toward Fabulousness #2

In keeping with the promise I made in my last post, I'm on a journey to reclaim my fabulousness. I realized after a long response from my mom (moms never stop taking on the pain of their children!) that really my issues have very little to do with being a parent. In fact, Ely's crazy, funny, inquisitive, talkative, sometimes tearful (but always fixed by a kiss from mom) antics are the things that bring me the most joy, and what I think brings me the most guilt when I close the door to daycare and hear him wailing "Moooooommmmmmmyyy" on the other side every morning.

I think my loss of "fabulousness" has much more to do with the strained relationship I have with my husband. I used to have a man who built me up everyday, made me a priority, listened when I spoke, and truly treated me like his best friend. But as I have paid him less and less attention (he's quite needy in that department) since I now have another little man who, at this stage in his life, requires most of my energy, my husband found a way to replace me. With work, with other women/friends in his life, with his own interests. I'm not sure if this is a healthy thing for couples to do, if it's an escape from his own reality, if he's just that selfish that he has to have someone pay undivided attention to him, if this is just a "guy thing" that happens when their wives are otherwise occupied, if it's my fault for not having enough time/energy/emotion to spare for both of them, or if it's a combination of all those things.

Regardless of the reasoning, this process has helped me realize that for the last 10 years, my husband has been the cheerleader for my fabulousness. He praised me, treated me kindly, admired me. But now I have to start being my own cheerleader, and hope that someday he remembers I am more than just the mother and caretaker of his child.

Three Fabulous things for today:
1. I have Nerd Pride. I am a nerd, I know it, and I love it. Nothing makes me quite so fulfilled at work than to delve into budget development or outcomes measurement.
2. I have successfully turned my love for singing into a lucrative career as a Professional Lullaby-ist.
3. I need to care for people. Other people's troubles weigh on me heavily, whether its family, friends, co-workers, or complete strangers. I have an innate desire to bring them happiness.