Although it's getting harder and harder to think of positive things to say about myself, I must continue the Journey I started here, and here, and here. One thing I'm trying to come to terms with lately is my reliance on my son for happiness. It's no accident that our favorite song to sing is "You Are My Sunshine" or that up until this past Friday night, I had not spent a single night away from him since he was born. Sure, I had come home late after he was in bed a few times, but I have always been there in the morning.
When I tell people this, they look at me like I'm crazy. I know moms who leave their kids at grandma and grandpa's when they are only a few months old, and other parents who go jet-setting off on vacations without their kids all the time. My own husband has absolutely no problem leaving Ely - often he is home after Ely goes to bed and gone again the next morning before he wakes up. I have a difficult time when I have to work a few hours late or have to work a half-day on Saturday - all time I don't get to spend with him. This could all stem from the guilt issues I have, or it could be my own insecurities thinking that he will love spending time with someone else more and forget about me. No amount of "he'll always know you're his mommy" or "you'll always be the most important person in his life" stops me from feeling this way. Or my husband's version - "Get used to the rejection, he's a boy, you're his mom." Thanks, honey.
It's taken a great deal of persuasion on Greg's part to get me to agree to take a mini-vacation with him this next weekend. Ely will be in capable hands between all of his grandparents, and it's only for 3-4 nights. Part of the problem may be that I'm not sure how the two of us will be alone, and taking me away from my "sunshine" will be difficult.
Update: We did go on a mini-version of vacation. We ended up only spending 2 nights away after Greg ran out of money when he found all the plants he wanted at one greenhouse. Ely did fine, and so did I. But it was great to have three extra days to spend with my little guy!
Three Fabulous Things:
1. I don't care what your definition is, but I'm a great mom. I never thought I would be, never thought I wanted to be. It's been the biggest and most pleasant surprise of my life.
2. I can do things other girls can't. I really am the grown-up Girl Scout. I can identify many birds just by the sound of their song, I can set up a tent quickly and can even fold it back up so that it still fits in the bag it came in. I can go on a long hike, I know the proper strokes to use to steer a canoe.
3. Whether my husband recognizes it or not, I am an encouraging mate. I have always allowed him to explore his own passions and taken a genuine interest in his interests. I support his decisions and activities in anyway that I can. Not to say I don't have my faults as a wife, but being loyal and supportive is not one of them.
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